My name will be Jane and I’ll cut my hair short. My jaw will be sharp and my eyes blue like my mother’s. Easter will be my favourite holiday. I’ll be excited to have children one day, to see if they love painted eggs and candy as much as I do. My closet will be bright with pastels; purple, orange, and pink. Knit sweaters will hang off my bony shoulders in the perfect places. The mirror will be a welcome sight.

My family will wonder what I’m up to and I will send them postcards from my little apartment. They’ll say, “Oh Jane, how lovely! We always knew you’d make such a beautiful life for yourself!” They’ll live a few towns over but they won’t feel very far at all. I’ll bake warm banana bread and gift it to the people I love, but not without saving a sliver for myself.

Come spring, I’ll clean my kitchen, hum a song, water my plants, and wonder how some people struggle to pay their rent. My spare money will go to charities and my old things will go to donation bins to be loved in new homes. My shelves will be filled with books and trinkets I found on my travels and the dust that collects will only add value. 

 My friends will ask me to meet for coffee and I might go for an hour or two, but I’ll rejoice in solitude while walking home. My mind might wander into cherished memories and venture into the future to excite itself with possibilities. It won’t linger on what I ate or didn’t eat for breakfast. I’ll eat sweet peas on a park bench and catch eyes with a stranger. 

We’ll spend the holidays at his parent’s house, and I’ll soak up the sound of shared laughter over one too many glasses of wine. We will extend our gratitude each year on Thanksgiving, adding a few more things to the list than the year prior. My name will be Jane but he’ll call me Janey Bug, and his mom might call me that too. “I always wanted a daughter,” she’ll say while squeezing my hand.

He’ll ask me how he got so lucky, and I’ll ask the same thing back to him. In my birthday cards, he’ll write, “I’ll love you in this lifetime and all the next.” I will be happy and I will be loved. 

But today I will just be me. Today I will dream of who I will be tomorrow. Tonight I will pray that maybe in my next life, my name will be Jane.